Sunday, March 15, 2009

Another Venting Blogger

It seems to be a trend lately but I was going to vent on blogger because of an issue that has been causing me some stress as of late...but the 'problem' corrected itself the other night so I don't have to vent. I am still going to put down my thoughts and ask for opinions...mainly because I want to assure myself that I am not the only one who feels this way, even if it is 2009.

It has always been my not allow my kids to have their significant others sleep with them in my house. They can certainly spend the night if the weather is bad or for some other good reason, but to just sleep in the same bed with my adult was not acceptable or allowed. If Sara's boyfriend spent the night, he slept on the sofa or in the spare bedroom. The same went for Eric and his girlfriend. While they lived with me, I was having none of that. And in turn, I did not allow any man I may have been in a relationship with to spend the night at my house while my kids were there. Of course I had no control of that when I wasn't at home but while I was no no. Not gonna happen. My kids didn't like it but they accepted it. They knew Mom was pretty old fashioned.

George has a 21 year old son and he lives with us. The house rules are not the same as mine were and it has been an adjustment for me but that's just the way it is. Pat's former girlfriend would occaissionally spend the night here, and I mean once in a great while. I think she actually slept here twice from November through the end of December. They have since broken up and he has a new girlfriend, Renee. He and Renee have been going together since the break up of his relationship with girlfriend #1 and he never told us he had a new girlfriend until a night in mid January when he called here asking if she could spend the night. Now I immediately wanted to say NO freeking way, but George made the decision before I had the chance to voice my opinion, even though he wasn't feeling too comfortable with the situation. I mean, come on...we hadn't even met her or knew she existed. But it was out of my hands and Pat was given the OK. That decision turned out to be a HUGE mistake but it wouldn't rear it's ugly head for a week or so.
It all started one Sunday night when they came bopping in after 10pm. I was already asleep but woke up when I heard their voices. George went out into the living room and said hello, and asked them to keep their voices down because I was trying to sleep and I get up at 3:30 am. Pat knows this but apparently failed to mention it to Renee. It was quiet for awhile, then they decided to play a video game in the living room. This is a ranch style house and the living room is right on the other side of my bedroom wall. I tried to sleep but all I could hear was the repetitive music from the game they were playing. This went on until midnight, then they shut the game off and went downstairs to Pat's room. I know I could have told them to lower the volume but I was hoping to not have to go that route. Anyway, I was about asleep when they came back upstairs to use the bathroom. Shouldn't be a problem but my bedroom is directly across from the bathroom and as soon as the light goes's pretty much in my face. My bedroom door was open but after that night I always closed my door when I went to bed. Anyway, I figured they would both use the bathroom and then go back downstairs...and be quiet for the night. Well, they went back downstairs and put the television on. After about a half hour of hearing that, I went to the top of the stairs and hollered down that they needed to turn the tv down, which they did. By now it was way after midnight and my sleep had been interrupted for several hours at this point. I was now anxious about being able to fall asleep and knew I only had a couple hours before I had to be up for work. I did fall back to sleep but when I had to get up, I was tired and cranky and kind of mad.

That night when I got home from work, George and I had a long talk and he was pretty upset that I was upset and totally unaware that I hadn't slept much. He apparently was not bothered by the noise and slept through it all. He swore he would talk to Pat, which he did and for the next couple of weeks, things were not completely peaceful but quieter than that Sunday night. Until Friday night, when they came strolling in around 11:30. They woke me out of a sound sleep laughing and talking, and George woke up when they came upstairs and were looking through the fridge for food. It was Renee's voice mostly, giggling and talking like she was at a sporting event or something. Granted, it is their spring break and it was Friday night and neither George nor I had to work on Saturday, but the house was dark and we were asleep. A little common sense people. By midnight, they were downstairs in Pat's room but we could hear everything Renee was saying and giggling about and it was apparent that we were about to hear things we really didn't want to hear. That's when George went downstairs and told them to quiet down or take off. I was surprised when they left 30 minutes later. It was decided then and there that Renee was no longer going to be spending the night here with Pat. Problem solved.
Pat was a bit surprised when his father told him the news. He actually had the nerve to ask why. What the hell is wrong with kids today? And why on earth do they want to sleep here when we are right upstairs when Renee has her own place? I don't get it, never will. But at least now I will be able to sleep uninterrupted. I suspect we will not be seeing a whole lot of Patrick but that's alright. He's old enough to be on his own.

George is always telling me that this is my house now. This whole incident had me feeling otherwise. It's really a difficult situation to be in. I don't want to come off as the evil stepmother, nor do I want to cause any kind of interruption in Patrick's life. I go out of my way to keep things as much as they were before I got here. I don't expect Patrick to take care of my dog, and I make sure I know his schedule so I don't hog the shower when he might have to get ready for school or work. When I have a day off...I don't vaccuum until he is awake and moving about. Any changes I have made regarding the household have been minor. Oh and he never has to worry about clean clothes because since I have been here, the laundry never piles up. That should count for something. LOL

Let me say for the record, I was initially impressed with Renee when I first met her. I liked the fact that she looked me in the eye when she spoke to me and she appearred to have manners and thanked us for allowing her to sleep here. But shortly after that introduction, she has shown very little repsect or consideration to us and in fact hardly spoke to us when she was here. I am sure she is going to speak even less to us now, but that's alright

Ok that's off my chest and I feel better. Actually writing this down has made me feel like I probably take things a little too personally. Well that's me and if all my problems are this minor I guess I have it pretty good.
Thanks for listening. And please do leave comments. I am sure there will be more 'incidents' that I will need advice about.
Have a great Sunday!


Tori_z said...

I don't agree that partners shouldn't be allowed to sleep over if the "kids" are of age. However, I do understand your reasons for not allowing it with your kids. Most parents would be reluctant to allow their kids' partners to sleep over, especially with their daughters. But you'd think they - especially the partners - would have the decency to keep the noise down at that time of the night. Even some people who don't have to be up at 3:00 am for work are in bed and asleep by that time. So, I don't blame you for no longer welcoming Pat's girlfriend. If she can't take the time to consider other people in the house then she doesn't deserve to be welcomed in to your home, especially over night.

I also think that George should have consulted you before making the decision in the first place. You do, after all, live there too. Not to mention the fact you're his wife.

And I can't understand why they'd want to come and stay the night with you guys if she has her own place. I mean, I could understand if she didn't, because they'd want somewhere to be alone and such. But if she has her own place then I'd have thought they'd have wanted to go there. *Shrugs*

Intense Guy said...

What bothers me most is they went to the fridge and didn't offer you and George a cole one while they were up.

Seriously, I don't understand why people can't be considerate of others, no matter what the circumstances" and in this case "Keep the noise down!"

If they want to play like they are little kids, you should treat as such and give 'em a spanking.

Karla said...

They should of been more considerate of the fact that you have to get up so early to get to work on time! My son's girlfriend has spent several nights over here but they are good about abidding by my rules 1) NO Hanky Panky in my home 2) Bedroom door always open!!! If you close it I don't trust you on #1 LOL 3) If I'm in bed you better be quiet or I wake up yelling and they don't like to be yelled at!!!

AliceKay said...

They were very inconsiderate of you, Lainie. It was a tough situation but one that needed handled. I hope you don't have a repeat of the situation at some point down the road. *hugs*

LadyStyx said...

I'm with Karla on this one. Then again, my first reaction ( before reading the comments ) was...payback time hunny. Run the vaccuum a few times when he's still sleeping and he'll get the hint! But then, it just makes things worse.

I think it's time for a family pow-wow. George needs to state to the son that some changes are necessary. He needs to point out the changes you've made to fit in with them and that it's terribly unfair of you having to do all the compromising. It's time for Pat to grow up and make changes to fit in with the new family dynamic...or move.

Lainie said...

I apreciate your comments. As I stated, the problem has been dealt with and she is no longer allowed to sleep here. She is welcomed to come over but no visitors after 10PM, and we will allow some exceptions on the weekends depending on the circumstances.
I suspect he will be spending most nights at her place, which is fine with me.

Punkn said...

It sounds like you are doing the best you can to not upset the applecart. The best scenario is for Patrick to apologize to you but he probably doesn't think he's done anything to apologize for. I'm glad to hear the issue has been resolved. Rest assured, there will be more but as long as you keep your cool, you'll work through them. It doesn help to blog it, though, doesn't it...

ChicagoLady said...

Everyone already made some very good comments, that I agree with. I was dealing with a similar issue with my upstairs neighbors. They were playing video games, or watching tv, or just hanging out on the balcony till all hours of the night, and I was trying, unsuccessfully, to sleep. They have finally moved out, so it's no longer an issue.

Then last night, the people in the apt on the 1st floor across from me came out into the stairwell THREE times, were talking loud, banging doors. Woke me up each time. Sure makes me grumpy when I don't get my beauty sleep.