Monday, July 16, 2007

Busy, Busy

I better post something...anything...before Kerry sends the Canadian Royal Mounted Police after me. Wait, that doesn't sound so bad now does it? LOL

I'm doing alright. I had a pretty busy weekend and didn't spend much time at home. After work on Saturday morning I came home and did some housework, then was invited to a BBQ at a co worker's house. It was all last minute but since my other option was to sit at home and watch tv, I decided to go. I'm glad I did. Had a great time and met some really fun people. I don't think I stopped laughing all evening. It felt really good to be out among some entertaining and and happy people. It was just what I needed.

It's been a weird month or so for me. I hadn't said much because I still don't really know what happened, but I've been kind of sad and bummed out for awhile. I guess I sensed Cal was going through a rough time although he never said anything. He just wasn't very happy and he was always tired. I know he's been worried about his daughter and her recent separation from her husband, but he was really excited about her coming back home. The last I heard back on Father's Day weekend, was she was here and they were going to spend the weekend together. I can't recall anything in that conversation that would make me believe anything was wrong. I was looking forward to meeting her sometime after the weekend. The whole weekend went by with no word from him. Not that big a deal, really, I knew they had a ton of plans and would be pretty busy. But by Wednesday, I was pretty worried so I called and left a message on his voice mail. Several days went by and still nothing so I called again, this time calling both his cell phone and his house phone, expressing my concern. Still no response. I waited another couple of days and left another message. This time he did call me back and just said he's been really depressed and out of it and just didn't want to deal with anything. He was very apologetic for worrying me but assured me he was fine, just had to 'check out' for a bit. I was and still am pretty upset by this kind of behavior but I didn't want to add to his misery, whatever that may be, so I let it go. I was truly relieved that he was alright. I offered to go down there but he said no, he just needed to make some changes in his life and all would be better in time. I know he has not been happy with his job for some time and he had been applying all over the place but wasn't getting many responses to his resumes. He also didn't like where he was living and was looking for a new apartment. I didn't think one of his 'changes' had anything to do with me but it looks like I was wrong. Anyway, we talked for a bit and he said he would call me the next day. That was 10 days ago...and I haven't heard a thing.
Our relationship is a little weird...we were very close friends for a long time but were both involved romantically with other people. We were always there emotionally for each other and he was a solid rock for me when my last relationship went belly up, as I was for him. The only person who knows me better is my friend Rose. He was there when I laughed, cried and needed a friend. He always made me feel special and he always called me a lady, even when I was being a tom boy or talking like a truck driver. He accepted me...warts and all, and never passed judgement, even when I stupidly gave my last relationship a second, (or was that third or maybe even fourth) chance.
When he was going thru a really bad break up with his girlfriend of 3 years, I was there for him. He needed support and encouragement, and I was happy to be able to support him for a change. He was deeply depressed for awhile but managed to get thru it all and was eventually stronger and more confident than ever. We have been true friends in every sense of the word. About a year and a half ago we started dating and I'd been very happy with us. Now I just don't know what to think or believe. I miss him terribly. Part of me wants to go down there and shake him. Part of me wants to just walk away. I'm angry and sad. We've never had a negative word pass between us. I've never been one to give up on anything but what more do you do? He knows how to reach me and hasn't so obviously he doesn't want to. I've run thru every possible scenerio in my mind. Maybe he's even more depressed than I thought. Maybe he's met someone new and doesn't want to hurt me. Maybe he's a real dog and is trying out this someone new and will come back all smiles if and when it doesn't work out. Who the hell knows...obviously I won't be getting any answers to this for awhile, if ever. Anyway...such is life I guess. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Or something like that.

On a positive note, my niece went to Portland, Maine last week and took all of her entrance exams for the Navy. She is heading for boot camp on September 18th. She is thrilled and I am happy for her. I think a BIG going away party is in order! I have to call my brother and set something up. Sounds like a plan.

Time to hit the shower. Hope you all had a great weekend!


AliceKay said...

Maybe after Cal does a little soul searching, and gets past this depression he's been feeling lately, he'll realize the relationship he has with you is too important to let go. Time will tell. *hugs to you*

ChicagoLady said...

I'm sorry for what you are going through right now. If I were you, I'd call and say, "You said you'd call me the next day, and you never did. Is there something you want to tell me?"

But then, that's just me. I'm glad you had a nice time at the bbq!

Congrats to your niece in making it into the Navy!

Kerry said...

*prepares a packages of RCMP's* how do you like em?

I hope Cal comes to his senses soon and calls you, it really sounded like a great relationship and something neither one of you should lose. I'm so sorry you have to be going through this, you do sound so strong and of sound mind about it all though.

Debby said...

I know that when relationships are up in the air it takes so much out of a person. Then we do the what is wrong with me syndrome. I know you are a very kind loving person. I hope things turn out the way you want them to. Have a peaceful week.

Lainie said...

Kerry I like em armed and dangerous...and naked don't hurt either!
I am doing pretty well and yes I am very strong and will pull through this just fine. I am hoping Cal is taking care of himself and making sure he is ok.
I know in my heart that whatever is going on is not my fault. I have to take care of myself and that is just what I am doing.

Thanks to all of you for being a sounding board and you're all such wonderful friends! I couldn't ask for any better. :-)

ChicagoLady said...

*adds cute and young to Lainie's description of how she likes her RCMP's*